I spy with my little eye… a dreadful film (The Spy Who Dumped Me review)

The Spy Who Dumped Me, with the clue in its name, is a Spy Action Comedy. However, it is actually not a comedy due to it having no funny jokes. I also would suggest that a spy flick needs espionage, thrills and believable plot twists. It doesn’t count just because your lead characters are CIA agents. So now it’s just an action film. And boy is it a rubbish action film.

Okay, so the tone has been set. This film isn’t funny. At all. The script is poorly written and none of the gags land. It’s a rare thing to not laugh once during a two-hour comedy but that is the case here (there was admittedly one moment that was smirk worthy, but in two hours, that isn’t remotely acceptable). The two lead characters, played by immensely likeable actresses, are utterly horrible. They are annoying, their decisions are poor and they are not morally correct. At one moment, they decide its okay to steal all the belongings from two poor teenage backpackers because the plot demanded it. This was a really bad move and created a very sour atmosphere from which the film never recovered.

The plot is equally terrible. After a gripping opening fails to grip, a trophy will take our two leads to Europe after discovering they are wrapped up in an international terrorist plot. Clearly the film doesn’t respect the intelligence of its viewers, because every city visited must have its name, central landmarks and country of origin proudly displayed on the screen. “Yes, thanks movie, but simply showing the Eiffel Tower will prove we’re in Paris, you don’t need to point out it’s in France.” Of course, Eastern Europeans once again get their names tarnished as generic bad guys who work for an omniscient terror unit. And just when you think the plot can’t get any worse, it throws three ‘plot twists’ at you, the final one being physically impossible. Unless you’re in the Kingsman universe, deaths can’t, and shouldn’t, be reversed.

It’s a really shoddily made film with many lazy elements. At one point the characters are in a fancy restaurant and through the ambient voices you can audibly hear someone say “mmm yes, a nice hot pot of fondue”. Talk about on-the-nose dialogue. There is poop humour, vagina humour and ball-sack humour which again warrants no laughs, and the characters will swap from being really intelligent to making stupid decisions just because the film wants either a plot point or another “humorous” moment.

The film is tonally all over the place. It clearly can’t decide if it wants to be a buddy road trip comedy, an intense spy thriller, an action film or a romantic chick flick. Clearly the film makers thought “why choose?” and so threw everything into the pot. The end result is a dull, boring mish-mash of unoriginal action beats, rubbish jokes and a disgustingly ham-fisted romantic ending that undoes everything the characters stood for over the last two hours.

This film is dreadful. There isn’t time to mention that stunt doubles are clearly seen during several of the action set pieces. Nor is there time to mention that there is more advertising for Microsoft products than a Windows commercial. Avoid this lazy film or waste two hours of your life on nonsense dribble. You have been warned.

2 Stars

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